In January, we had #30bouncingbackdays — 30 daily posts on what we’ve had trouble with, and how we recovered from those failures. This was inspired by Rethink Failure (the event series I co-organised until we pivoted to Cut The Small Talk) as well as the lack of this kind of conversation from our online and offline community.
Our greatest shift was from more coaching/exemplary posts in the beginning to more vulnerable/open/courageous posts toward the end. When you think about one concept once a day for a month, you, unsurprisingly, get quite deep. These were my greatest shifts:
1. I doubted my own discipline
This is my greatest shift by far. For years I thought I’d buy a notebook to write down all of my ideas — on occasion I’ll buy a new, beautiful notebook, but it never gets filled up. “I’ll never be able to keep that habit up,” I think.
I kept doubting my own discipline. The same happened after my first yoga teacher training — I’ll never be able to practice each day… I’m so given to spontaneity and ease.
I decided during #30bouncingbackdays that I AM disciplined, and that I can maintain habits, if I want to. So far, doing well with the recording of ideas (I now use an audio device), and daily yoga (I’m working on handstands.)
2. There’s positivity in my angsty teenage years
Looking back, I’m disappointed at my arrogance in high school. In particular, I’m sorry for how I treated my parents during that time. But in bouncing back, I realise that there is positivity to it as well — because I thought I was in control of everything, I developed a really internal locus of control (I judge myself against me, I’m responsible for my own happiness), and great emotional regulation (ability to notice how I’m feeling, dive into it, or shift it until later) really early on.
3. How NOT to make excuses
When I’m late, I like to say why — I want to feel forgiven for being late. But this habit often makes other’s feel like they’re infringing on my time, unwelcomed. I don’t want that to happen, so I’ve shifted giving excuses to sending resources or letting them know how else they can reach me.
When I’m working on a project, I like to disclaim everything as a draft. This is in part because I like to be open to feedback, but also because I don’t want to be “not good enough,” while giving the impression that I think I am.
4. Admitting to nervousness, anxiety, “should”s opens others up to sharing
The later days of #30bouncingbackdays were more personal — more stories, many of which were unresolved. Friends, many of whom I haven’t spoken to in years, commented, sharing my experience. I felt grateful to be creating a temporary community of sorts, and happy to know that these experiences are shared. I hope they feel the same.