Writing without an alias scares me. I’m sure it scares many people.
What is that fear?
It’s the possibility of coming off as unpolished, unfinished. That fear is coupled with the expectation that only beautiful, final things are published. I feel that there is no undo button. Judgement will be passed immediately, and there’s no chance of forgiveness. I’m afraid of owning up to what I write. I’m afraid of implying that it is my best.
It’s a chronic lack of readiness. It’s “right now, I am not confident enough in representing myself.” It’s “I don’t think I’ve said things the way I want to say things. I don’t think these words do my ideas justice.” It’s something to put off so I can comfort myself with the fact that it’s on my to-do list.
But, “I’m not ready” has a few layers. It’s uncertainty… glossed over a deep, quiet knowing that “I can be amazing.” There’s a bit of ego, a bit of self-love. There’s a faint whisper of having an key message or resonating story. “My idea is worthy (of a perfect post). It’s powerful. Or hilarious. Or elegantly simple.” The fear shows me how important something is to me.
So here I am! A space to reflect, and more importantly, practice. A space I give myself permission not to be final. A space to own up to what I believe.